Dear People Who Keep Company With God,
The most important choices we make in life usually relate to people in some way. The people we marry, befriend, associate with and partner in business or ministry can have a signficant impact upon our lives for the good or bad. We all need to develop savvy in how we engage our relationships and fortunately the Bible is full of wisdom on this subject.
When it comes to relationships we have to be careful to not judge the hearts of others (John 7:24) while at the same time be discerning (1 John 4:1). Jesus was a master at discerning and we are to follow suit (John 2:24-25). I learned the hard way early on in my walk with God the value of listening to the Holy Spirit when it comes to people I should closely relate with.
There was a man who came highly recommended and all my peers and even the spiritual leaders received him with open arms, but there was something in me that felt cautious about the man. Instead of heeding the inner voice of caution I was down on myself for feeling the way I did. “Who was I to think such a thing?” I reasoned within myself. Long story short, this man turned out to not be what he seemed on the surface.
It is easy to look at people on the surface and come to some conclusions about them. We tend to look at a person’s socio-economic status, education, personality, talents and profession to gain insight about them.
In recent years, social media has given us another avenue into people’s lives. How many friends do they have on Facebook? Who do we know in common through LinkedIn? How many Twitter followers do they have? All of this may have its place, but it is very surface oriented and can be misleading as James 2:2-8 warns us.
Jesus did not trust Himself to other people (John 2:24), but it does not say that He was suspicious of other people or that He had no trust in them. He understood human nature and did not trust Himself to them in an unhealthy way. We can go only so far in any human relationship. If we go beyond discernment and wisdom, trouble will develop, and we will be hurt.
Over the years I have developed a few questions that I use to help guide me when I am considering closer relationships with others.
1. Does this person seem authentic or pretentious? A person that is comfortable with who they are does not have a need to impress nor act condescending to anyone. Do they seem honest about who they are and their strengths and weaknesses? Are they teachable? Look for humility, and consistency between what a person thinks, says, and does.
2. What are the spouse and family like? Do they seem secure, content and well adjusted? Does it appear the spouse is pursuing his or her own dreams? Are there healthy boundaries in the relationship or are they being dominated by a stronger personality?
3. How does this person treat someone they do not know? Once I had lunch with a prominent, successful and gifted minister and he was so rude and demanding to the waiter that I was embarrassed to be at the table with him. I had to bite my tongue to not say anything to him about it. He may have just been having a bad day, but it discouraged me from pursuing a further relationship with him.
4. Has there been struggle in their history? In both business and the kingdom of God those who have experienced failures and hardships yet do not give up have strength of character forged in them that is much greater than those who have not experienced much failure or who gave up when things got tough.
5. Are they givers or takers? Some people live in the negative. They look at life from the perspective of what they don’t have and what God is not doing so they seldom have anything to give or at least they think they don’t. I grew up in a family of givers. We did not have much in terms of money or possessions, but what we did have we shared with others who had need. I married a giver. Givers release life wherever they go and takers are never satisfied with what they have.
Many Blessings, BW