Dear People Who Keep Company With God,
One of the things I have been learning for years now is how to perceive what the Holy Spirit is doing in most circumstances and settings I may find myself in. To do this, you have to be fairly confident in being your real self, while at the same time, seeing yourself as a work in progress, meaning not to be over-confident. It is somewhat of an identity paradox you have to learn to embrace. 
The reality that the identity paradox actually exists hit me when I was at a pastor’s gathering that was attended by more traditional denominational pastors. I was dressed very casual, flannel shirt, jeans and boots. Some of the other pastors were dressed in coat and ties. I was uncomfortable and thinking I did not belong in that setting.
The man leading the meeting asked me how I became a pastor. I felt sick inside. I thought, I could lie and at least sound acceptable since I was not dressed acceptable or tell the truth and be totally rejected. I went with the latter. I responded, “I became a pastor because I had an encounter with the Presence of God.”
I waited for the wave of disapproval and rejection to slap me in the face. Instead, I heard a very sincere and enthusiastic, “Praise God, that is the type of pastors, we need!” Some of those men in coat and ties are as full of the Holy Spirit as anyone. You can’t judge a book by its cover.
This is what I discovered about myself. If I am not careful, I will use being my real self as an excuse for, not embracing people and/or settings that are outside my comfort zone. I can be more of my real self in a room with people who have the same spiritual values that I have. I can more easily flow with the Holy Spirit and am much more spiritually perceptive when I feel at home.
But, put me in a room with those who are more spiritually conservative, liberal or not spiritual at all. Then I am not so comfortable. I don’t feel like I belong and I become self-focused, insecure and less aware of what is going on spiritually and what the Holy Spirit is up to. I am looking for the nearest exit.
For most people, when we are unsure of ourselves or our ability to perform well or measure up in a new or different setting, we often want to retreat back to the familiar. Unconsciously, we want to protect our self-esteem and faltering identity. In those situations where you can’t flow with your natural inclinations and values, it makes you feel like an impostor.
It is so easy to use “I don’t fit in” as an excuse for staying in our comfort zone. But I have learned that is a huge mistake if you are interested in becoming all God has called you to be and do. You will become spiritually, emotionally and intellectually stuck if you only do the things that a narrow and rigid view of self is comfortable with.
To grow and develop, we can’t stay in our comfort zone. We have to get out from time to time. Sure, we all need a place we call home, a tribe or community where we can be ourselves, we do grow in that environment. We also grow in situations where we have to bear with unnatural and superficial behaviors that make us feel calculating instead of genuine and spontaneous. That is the identity paradox.
Many Blessings, BW