Dear People Who Keep Company With God,
Seven years ago I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my Christian life; how to live my life free from un-forgiveness and bitterness. It began when almost every relationship that I truly valued was suddenly in some type of crisis. I learned first hand that that un-forgiveness is one of Satan’s greatest access points to our life (2 Cor. 2:10-11) and it is also one of the greatest hindrances to walking in faith, authority and power (Mark 11:22-26). I also discovered how quickly un-forgiveness produces the deadly and sickening fruit of bitterness.
One morning everything came to a tipping point – I had convinced myself that I had truly forgiven the person in my most desperate crisis, but as only the Lord can do, He revealed to me that I had not forgiven at all. In this particular situation my forgiveness was conditional, if the person who so wronged me would come to me and acknowledge what they had done I would forgive them. The Father spoke to my heart that morning and said these words,“Regardless if that person ever acknowledges they’re wrong or even if they never speak to you again, you must forgive them totally.”
I was stunned at this, but in my heart I knew it was God; the un-forgiveness and the bitterness that was growing in my heart was exposed. I began repenting and made a choice to forgive. I told the Lord, “If he never speaks to me or even acknowledges me, he is free and owes me nothing. I choose to forgive totally.” Within one hour I went to my mailbox and I had received a package from a Tape of the Month Club I was a member of at the time. The title of the message was “Total Forgiveness” by R.T. Kendall. God had my attention.
Here is a summary of the main points from the message. Take the time to read and absorb this – it may change your life and forever change the way you see forgiveness. It did mine and has served me well since.
What Total Forgiveness is not (knowing these can set you free to totally forgive).
1. Approval of what they did – Total forgiveness is not an endorsement of what they did. God does not approve of sin, but he does forgive us.
2. Excusing what they did –Total forgiveness does not explain away the wrong.
3. Justifying what they did – Justify means to make right or just, total forgiveness does not mean the wrong has been made right.
4. Pardoning what they did – A pardon is a legal transaction that releases an offender from the consequences of their actions. Total forgiveness does not release the person who did the wrong from any consequences God, not us, may allow to happen. We sin and God forgives us, but there may still be consequences.
5. Reconciliation – Reconciliation implies a restoration of the relationship. Total forgiveness does not require reconciliation. That is a separate issue.
6. Denying what they did – It is not suppressing or repressing the fact that a wrong occurred just so you can deal with it.
7. Blindness to what happened – Blindness is making a conscious choice to look the other way. It is like explaining away that a wrong actually occurred.
8. Forgetting – Some wrongs we may never forget, but that does not mean you have not totally forgiven. You may need to remember so as to not get hurt again.
9. Pretending you are not hurt – When we are wronged it hurts. Hurt does not mean you have not totally forgiven. Not forgiving keeps the wound open and attracts demonic flies.
What Total Forgiveness is – see Genesis 45:1-13, the life of Joseph.
1. Total forgiveness does not seek to expose what the person did (verse 1) – Joseph did not want the Egyptian’s to know what his brothers had done to him 22 years earlier as he was a great man in Egypt and if the Egyptians knew, they would despise them. If you go around telling it you are really trying to justify your position and/or make the person who did the wrong look bad. God does not normally go around telling all our wrongs, however, we may confide in trusted and mature believers to help us walk through it.
2. Total forgiveness does not seek to intimidate or cause the person to feel fear (verse 2-4) – Intimidation and fear have to do with punishment not forgiveness (1 John 4:18). If we act as if we have something over the person or there is a veiled threat toward that person, that is intimidation.
3. Total forgiveness desires them to forgive themselves and not feel guilty (verse 5) – Joseph had not forgotten what they had done or pretended that it had not happened, however, he sincerely wanted his brothers to be set free. He demonstrated this by not demanding them to come and humble themselves and ask to be forgiven. Joseph even showed them the reason God had allowed the wrong to happen.
4. Total forgiveness seeks to allow them to save face (verse 7-8) – You are to preserve their dignity and self esteem, you do not humiliate and cause that person to lose face. God never shames or rejects us.
5. If others must be involved total forgiveness seeks to cover not expose (verse 9-13) – Exposure is a cause of great fear. Joseph knew his brothers were going to have to face Jacob and tell him Joseph was alive. However, Joseph did not require them to go and tell Jacob all the wrong they had done and the lies they told their father.
6. Total forgiveness is a life long commitment. Genesis 50:16-21- Seventeen years later Joseph had still forgiven them.
Since that time, in my journey of forgiveness I have discovered the person we need not forget to forgive – ourselves.
Many Blessings, BW